Child-gate

by Ms Optimism on February 5, 2013 in Being Mum, Family Life with No comments

Via Flickr user The Caze

I’m sure that there are a plethora of posts about this at the moment, what with the furore over Kochie’s breastfeeding etiquette sermon and several noisy-child hoo-haas in the press lately, but I’ve really got a bee in my bonnet since a family member posted a diatribe about annoyingly noisy kids on public transport on Facebook recently.

You could be forgiven for thinking that having your kids with you in public spaces was illegal. I’m not an inherently maternal person (it’s ok though, I love my one), and I don’t think kids are cute just because they are kids and little and cute and awww how lovely! Kids are often noisy, messy, difficult to reason with. Much like an adult after a few beverages (which is why I find it so ironic that a bar in Melbourne is banning kids).

Love them or hate them, kids exist and sometimes they need to be in public with mum or dad. Like if you’re travelling together somewhere, or trying to get the shopping done, or god forbid grabbing a bite to eat somewhere that’s not a family filled Taberet venue with a cesspit that passes for a playground. I don’t know of any parent that revels in the fact that their child is being a noisy shit that is potentially annoying someone else, in fact said parent is probably feeling stressed, anxious and like a failure of a parent and human being. If there is a messy or noisy child in your vicinity, chances are it is shitting their parents as much as it’s shitting you, and guess what – it’s not you the child will be going home with!

Perhaps we would all do well to remember that once upon a time we were all loud and disobedient little children (apart from Mr Optimism, who assures me he was neither of these things) with parents who couldn’t control us, take a deep breath and develop some tolerance for our fellow human beings. Even those of us who have chosen to inflict our spawn on the public.

This very second there’s a dog barking in my neighbourhood. If I allowed it to, it could annoy the shit out of me. I don’t really like dogs, I don’t really like listening to them bark. But, the fact is, some people have dogs. And sometimes they bark. It’s pretty difficult to reason with them because, you know, they are dogs. C’est la vie.

 

Family living without a car

by Ms Optimism on January 5, 2013 in Eco Stuff, Family Life with No comments

Car is borked (Image Elizabeth Thomsen via Flickr)

Carless in the city – the great no car experiment of 2013

I’d love to say this is a post which has been inspired by watching No Impact Man the other day. We all know that I am rather the hippy, so it would be nice to think that I had taken some inspiration from this movie about no impact living and decided to live without a car.

The truth is a lot less inspiring!

2 days before Christmas the Astra gave up the ghost, in pretty spectacular and final style. The timing chain, which apparently never needs replacing, broke. In layman’s terms, when the timing chain (or belt) breaks, things bang into other things which results in you requiring a new engine for your car.

It turns out that it will cost approximately the value of the car less $1,000 to repair which means it is kaput. Our only car.

So why will we be carless for a few months? Put simply, we just can’t afford to replace it. Because our accountant is fabulously awesome, we will have finance in a few weeks though, so we are fortunate we will be able to commence shopping then though, so don’t feel too bad for us.

There are a few silver linings to be had here.

  1. Reading my previous car woes post, I am reminded of how I felt that day when I turned the key and the car wouldn’t start. Absolutely defeated, to the point where I couldn’t muster the energy to really feel any emotion about the situation.

    This time, due in no small part to the brilliant psychologist and psychiatrist I worked with last year, I didn’t feel any emotion this time either – because it wasn’t a situation really worth wasting emotion and energy on. It happened, and that was that. And I was so proud of myself (yes me – proud of myself) because this was the way I truly felt, reflexively. There was no internal chatter required to get there, this is a huge deal for me.

  2. Being Christmas, we didn’t really have anywhere to be so it was no big deal to be without a car. The flipside of this of course is that being Christmas all of the companies involved with repairing a car or financing a new one were closed.

    Shopping for Christmas presents and food on the bus was an interesting experience to say the least, though not impossible.

  3. At least it was the car dying 2 days before Christmas, and not the fridge like last year.
  4. A new car, eventually.
  5. When we bought our house we were adamant that it needed to be walking distance from a supermarket, butcher, grocer and trainstation. It is also walking distance to Moopy’s kinder so theoretically it will be possible to live without a car.

And so, we are carless in the city. Well, suburbs.

I guess in part we have been inspired by No Impact Man, as we decided against renting a car or looking for one to borrow. Yay us! Yay No Impact Man! :)

It’s been two weeks so far, and we’re managing ok. I made it to a doctors appointment in the city in 41 degree heat (that’s 106 degrees for you imperialists) without dying. We can get to the beach and back with a 10 minute bus trip. A trek to the supermarket with all of us on bikes with backpacks was pretty fun, and supermarket shopping with Moopy is usually anything but.

Hopefully being carless for such an extended period will give us some new, healthier, more responsible habits which we will keep when our gas guzzling, 4WD people mover arrives.

OSSF: Vintage cutlery wind chime

by Ms Optimism on November 14, 2012 in Being Mum, Family Life, Op Shop Style File with No comments

I don’t know why I sign up for these activities. On a recent op shopping trip I decided it would be a great idea to make a wind chime from vintage cutlery and other bits and pieces. The rationale being that Moopy could get his angries out bashing the cutlery, and I could get my crafty on threading the beads. I’m sure you can imagine how it went – the activity kept his attention for about 5 minutes, and I spent the rest of the hour finishing it off on my own, like so many “together” activities. I really thought he’d be up for the bashing! Lesson learnt.

In any case, here is my proven method for a together crafty moment with your little one, making a wind chime.

Materials and tools

  1. Assorted cutlery from the opshop – test the different materials for clangability
  2. A tray or serving platter with holes in it – for hanging cutlery from
  3. A hammer
  4. Rags
  5. Fishing twine
  6. Beads
  7. Disinterested toddler (optional)

Method

Step 1 With some trepidation, hand toddler hammer and cutlery wrapped in rags. The rags are to protect the cutlery from getting too banged up when they you are flattening it. You’ll need at least 8 pieces of cutlery, depending on the size of the tray you are using.

Step 2 Wind fishing wire around the thin end of the handle and tie into a knot. Thread fancy beads, buttons, anything onto the fishing wire – the more random the better! They get tangled up very easily, just sayin. I splashed out and bought a few crystal beads to pick up the sunlight – very gorgeous.

Step 3 Turn the serving platter upside down and tie the cutlery strands to it. Make sure they are tied closely enough that they can bang into each other, or it’s going to be a pretty quiet wind chime. You may need to also hang a large spoon or knife in the centre to make sure there’s a lot of clanging going on.

Step 4 Attach a few strands of heavy fishing wire to the top of the platter. Find somewhere to string up your gorgeous creation. Stand back and admire the glory of the creation you have made together on your own.

This really was a lot of fun to make, very simple, and I was very happy I actually followed through and did it! My usual MO is to buy the bits and pieces for the craft project, and then procrastinate the actual making until I’ve forgotten what I bought the bits and pieces for in the first place – shhhh don’t tell Mr Optimism!

Why can’t I just…

by Ms Optimism on November 2, 2012 in Depression, Family Life with No comments

I think I’ve blogged about this before, but the more well I get the more difficult I find it to deal with the small blips of depression I experience.

I’m discovering that my monthly cycle is having a huge impact on my mood. I think I didn’t notice so much in the past because I was either feeling shit or more shit – either way it was just all shit. Now, I feel pretty good for a week or two each month and then bang, I’m on the slippery slope again. While I probably should just feel grateful that I’m getting 2 weeks of relative normalcy each month I’m actually feeling quite frustrated that I can’t just banish this stupid depression from my life permanently.

So this morning I was whinging. The it’s not fair why can’t I just whinge. To Mr Optimism, you know, the one with CF. I know – not very sensitive. I know – at least my thing theoretically has a cure. But every so often I do just have a moment of for crying out loud.

He tried to do what he thought was best, to pull me out of my pit of whinging by telling me that my thoughts weren’t helpful. Unfortunately, I then became upset at what I perceived was him telling me I wasn’t allowed to feel frustrated. I couldn’t see that you were trying to help. Perhaps I was quick to become defensive because I already felt guilty for having the it’s not fair whinge to someone who deals with so much more than I will ever have to.

In some ways I feel it is positive that I am finally feeling, really believing, that I have deserve to feel happy. For the longest time I felt so worthless and utterly undeserving of any happy emotion.

So yes, I do feel frustrated that depression still features in my life but I’m also grateful that I’ve been given the opportunity to at least experience some time without it.

Back in the saddle

by Ms Optimism on October 25, 2012 in Being Mum, Depression, Family Life with No comments

Gosh, where to begin?! Somehow, I’ve blinked and it’s nearly November. If the theme for last year was trauma, the theme for this year has been growth and learning. Readjusting to being home from hospital took longer than I anticipated – I think I really underestimated at the time both how sick I was, and also what a big deal it was for myself and also my family for me to be in hospital.

I have learned a lot about both myself and my illness this year. I have learned the importance of rest and downtime. I’ve learned that it’s OK to enjoy life while there are “tasks” to do, or things “going wrong”. I love my family, my son, my husband and my life.

I’m grateful to have what I have and be where I am, and I’m looking forward to getting where I’m going to and enjoying the ride.

The good crockery

by Ms Optimism on June 13, 2012 in Depression, Family Life with No comments

Image via InAweofGod'sCreation

So, I’m home! I am finding that hospital is a bit like London, or labour, in that now I am home I am blanking out all of the shit that I hated and just remembering the good stuff. Like not having to prepare meals, or take care of anyone else except myself. And having a space that I can hide in. The ever thoughtful Mr Optimism has suggested that I blog about all of the things I hated, so I can remember them, but also so I may use it as motivation to do the things that will keep me well when my motivation is waning.

Now that I am home, I am desperately trying to maintain the motivation without being hard on myself. This is a tough ask for me. I have had small wins: bed early, got my art stuff out (didn’t actually use it…), checked email without having a panic attack, meditated this  morning. Still no exercise.

At the risk of sounding all cliched, this moment right now, this very moment will never happen again. It is unique in all time and it is up to me, up to all of us to live it in a way that is true. Each moment is a moment to be treasured and lived in a way that I can be proud of. With this in mind I am declaring henceforth I will use the good crockery.

I never use the good crockery. I save it for later. I’m not sure when later will come, what defines the moment that it is finally ok to use and indulge in the nice things that I have available to me. Why must I use the horrible stoneware now. What will happen if I use the good crockery now? I might feel good?

True, I might break the good crockery. But it is also true that the good crockery might break later on when I use it too. Or it might get broken while moving house, or be discovered by a certain 3 year old and smashed. Then I would have to face that my good crockery had existed and been destroyed without me ever having experienced the joy of using it.

I am of course using my good crockery as a metaphor, for here is a list of other things I do not regularly make use of because this moment is not a special enough occasion…

  • Nice bath smellies. In fact I am more likely to throw out a smelly unused 12 months down the track after it has gone rancid. This totally makes no sense.
  • My Chanel make up. That I splurged on years ago, and is probably giving me cancer now because it’s so old.
  • My antique glasses. In case I break them.
  • My nice clothes. Surely I should enjoy and wear them out now, while they still fit. Shit will go south soon enough.
  • Nice paper. This I acknowledge is truly neurotic, however I personally know another creative who does the same thing. I have reams of lovely paper that I will never draw on in case I ruin it. I just keep on buying it, and drawing on the crappy paper because that’s all I’m worthy of. If my psychologist sees this she’s going to go to town on me, I know.
  • My fucking expensive Trek Madone. This is a bicycle that is worth more than my car, which I refuse to ride in inclement weather because I don’t want it to get dirty. I don’t even know where to start with that one.
  • Quiet moments with people I love. Because I’m so fucking busy. Am I really? Or is it just that I can’t bare to sit still. The tasks will never be finished, I need to learn to relax in spite of the tasks.

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy the good crockery, now. In this moment. Because I’m learning that enjoying the good crockery energises us, and reinforces the feeling that we are worthy of the good crockery. Worthy of positive moments.

Do you agree? Or am I expecting too much from the Wedgewood?

 

A message

by Ms Optimism on June 8, 2012 in Being Mum with No comments

For me, from the Universe via Moopy. To remind me to ask for help occasionally. Tuesdays and Thursdays a guy rocks up with a songbook and a guitar, and we live it up school camp singing style. Everyone gets to choose a song from the songbook, and Moopy was adamant he wanted this one. He is 3 and can’t read, so I’m assuming this was a message for me.

The routine

by Ms Optimism on June 8, 2012 in Depression, Family Life with 2 Comments

Today marks two weeks as an inpatient at this private psychiatric hospital. The daily routine is a well-worn path now, and while it served to prop me up when I first arrived, increasingly I feel it is holding me back from recovering any further. Despite all my misgivings about how I will cope when I get home, perhaps this is the strongest sign I have that I really am ready to go.

7am Knock on door from nurse, get out of bed
What the hell? I thought I was here to rest! 7am, you’re shitting me right? Nursing staff, I know you think I’ve been sleeping all day every day at home like normal depressed people do but I’ve got a 3 year old using me as a trampoline most mornings. I need sleep!

7.30am  Knock on door from nurse, if you want to have breakfast get out of bed
Reluctantly roll out of bed, shower, dress and arrive at the dining room for breakfast 10 minutes before breakfast is supposed to finish.

8.10am Breakfast is over
Bundled unceremoniously out of the dining room despite the fact that breakfast is supposed to finish at 8.15am. This has happened each of the week days I have been here, so I have thwarted the system by keeping a box of cereal and a bowl in my room. Take that. Recall telling a nurse through tears early in my stay that if I was capable of being up and dressed and happy and finished eating breakfast by 8.10am I likely wouldn’t need to be hospitalised for depression. She didn’t see my point.

8.20am Hiding in room
Return to bedroom with remnants of breakfast and coffee.

 8.45am Production meeting
Patients and staff meet in the lounge each day for what I have affectionately termed the production meeting. We introduce ourselves each morning because noone can remember anything. This comes as a relief to many, myself included, who can dispense with the complicated mechanisms we have developed to compensate for our failing memories. Noone remembers names, and noone is offended – it’s fine. We talk about our favourite book/film/footy team/whatever, share an inspirational word and quote for the day (*crickets*), and hold a daily 10 minute summit on why the lounge TV remote control still hasn’t been replaced.

9am Meds
Wait in line at the meds window. There’s a line of chairs against the wall where we queue and wait like customers at the deli, except most people are way more protective of the spot in the queue. Joke daily that I don’t mind who jumps in front because I’m not running late for anything. Average waiting time for meds 20mins.

10.30am Grown up kinder
We all head off to our morning groups. Morning groups are compulsory, and consist of Drug and Alcohol, General Talking Group and Art Therapy Group – Grown up kinder. For the past two weeks I have attended the latter group, proudly showing off my artworks to my son and swapping notes about kinder that day. While I deride it tongue in cheek, it has been wonderful to reflect on this illness in a visual and artistic way, and for the first time I am able to create marks on paper without considering the end product. Just enjoying the process, which has been a wonderful revelation.

12pm Lunch
Choose from one of two meals, which are surprisingly very good. The cooks are generally lovely and accommodating. They sneak me gluten free biscuits and cakes on the sly.

1.30pm Afternoon groups
Elective groups, such as Gym/Swim (participated WAY less than I imagined I would, doh!), arts and craft etc. After lunch I would generally retire to my room to nap (gasp!) or read the brilliantly crafted though depressing The Corner or The Mindful Way Through Depression (equally brilliantly crafted though un-depressing).

3pm Relaxation
Mainstream medical system’s take on mindfulness and meditation. The facilitator yawned, sighed, checked her watch and reminded us that she would kick us out if we fell asleep all through the session. Not very relaxing. Gave it two goes, then did my own meditation CD in my room where there is no punishment for falling asleep.

6pm Dinner
Same drill as lunch.

 7pm Void
Either filled with visitors (joy!) or reading or art or checking twitter or anything to make the time pass until bedtime.

9pm Meds
Fancy new antidepressant and small dose of sleeping tablet. Tried being a hero for a few nights and decided getting a good night’s sleep was more important than doing shit the hard way. I am a grumpy, teary pain in the arse after a bad night’s sleep, just ask the nursing staff.

9.30pm Bedtime
Retire to bed with laptop and wireless internet for iView, as the TV in my room is 12″ and only has analogue channels. For those of you who have forgotten what TV was like in 1985 let me remind you that means a grand total of 4 channels which you can’t see from the bed without binoculars anyway. Thank christ for modern technology and streaming multimedia, that’s all I can say. Meds generally kick in about halfway through whatever I’m watching, and can never remember if I finished the movie when I wake up in the morning. Can’t remember what happened at the end even if I did.

10pm – 7am Hourly checks
Any wonder I have been tired, the overnight nursing staff are required to carry out hourly checks on all patients overnight. Consider Alcatraz style dummy in bed and slipping out to a motel in the evenings to get a decent sleep. Srsly, may as well be breastfeeding a gassy newborn again.

7.30am Rinse and repeat

I am truly grateful for my private health insurance which has meant I was able to receive treatment here, I really don’t know what I would have done without it, my fuel tanks were well and truly empty. Some people have regarded this as a rest or holiday, and it sure as shit isn’t either of those things. It has been a challenging, tiring and confronting two weeks. I would not have elected to be here if I didn’t need to, and having been here I will do everything in my power to avoid coming back again. If nothing else the loss of independence and control I have experienced has been particularly difficult (because I’m such a fucking control freak, clearly). And while that sense of routine and loss of control was almost comforting, it’s really stifling now.

I’m fragile but I know I’m ready, I think.

Things that make me happy

by Ms Optimism on June 6, 2012 in Family Life with No comments

Because writing about things that make me happy makes me happy! Who woulda thunk it, hey?

In no particular order…

Chocolate. My boys. Music. Painting. Eating. Running. Riding. Chocolate. Herbal Tea. Sleep. Cuddles. Going to the movies. Reading. The Wire. Massages. Make overs. Coffee with friends. Champagne. Sitting too close to the heater. Officeworks. Old things. Sewing. Meditating. Saunas. New clothes. A haircut. Kitty lolz. Rainy days. Sega Mastersystem. Audi Q3. Tiny horses. New art supplies. Well crafted fonts. Feeling loved.

What makes you feel happy?

Soldier On

by Ms Optimism on June 5, 2012 in Depression, Family Life with No comments

I detest this ad. There’s so much to detest: that plaid vest, the power suits, that HAIR.

But mostly, there’s the message – When you feel like shit, and are sick, take a tablet and soldier on (and take your bugs to work to share them around, but that’s another rant). Please, make sure you fulfill your commitments to all those that are relying on you!

Solider on, toughen up, they’ve been my mantras – and it hasn’t done me any harm… Except the minor point that I’m completely burned out from looking after everyone else except myself.

Balance, people, we need balance.

Energy is not a finite resource. Use some of it to look after other people, use some of it to look after yourself. By looking after yourself you might even create more energy. Do the nurturing lovely things. Rest when you are sick. Repair yourself. Ilness is your body’s way of saying for crying out loud slow down! Not pop a pill and continue.

And don’t go to work, because I don’t want to catch your bugs.

Have noted that this campaign is having a revival at the moment. No! Do not soldier on! Rebel – Sag out. Take it easy. Be gentle on yourself. Hide under a blanket. Do what you need to do to get well.

 

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